We were honored to be guest speakers at Coastal Community Church Marriage Mentors monthly event last Friday. David did most of the speaking (my choice, he’s much better at it than me!), but I did spend a few minutes talking about the importance of prayer, especially in the marriage relationship. Below is the information that I shared (plus a few other points that in my nervousness I forgot to mention). In part 2 we reveal the answer to the topic for the night which was “Can the Gospel Wreck Your Marriage?”

The Bible tells us in 1^st Thessalonians 5:16-18 to “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing;  in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” In Philippians 4:6-7 it says “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

If you’ve been in church for any length of time, you are probably familiar with those verses. From them, we learn several things about prayer.

First, we learn that we should pray without ceasing. Now, that does not mean that you are expected to hide away in a closet, never come out, and do nothing but pray for your entire life. The Greek word used in that passage for “without ceasing” is adialeiptos which does not mean non-stop. It actually is better translated in English as “constantly recurring.” That word was used to mean “regularly, yet intermittent” like a persistent cough.

We can go about our days, go about our lives, and still pray “without ceasing.” Your prayers may include simply thanking Him for the sunrise that you view on your way to work, asking for strength as you walk into a meeting, or asking God to calm your nerves as you take a test. The point is that as we go about our day, we are continually aware of God’s presence and are in communion with Him.

From those verses, we also learn that we are not to worry, we should have a thankful attitude, and we bring our requests to God by supplication. That word “supplication” means to ask earnestly, plead humbly… pretty much “beg”!

Two weeks ago, our pastor preached on Acts 4:23 – 31 and coming boldly to the throne of God, praying with confidence. That confidence in prayer comes when we pray in alignment with who God is and what He says in His word. I don’t think it is any coincidence that he preached on that as I was seeking God’s wisdom on what to share on the topic of prayer.

Another very relevant verse that you are probably familiar with is Ephesians 6:12 which tells us that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” This means that the real battle is not the one you see in front of you with your eyes, but is in the spiritual realm. Therefore you’ll be more effective if you fight your battles on your knees. Take the battle out of the physical realm into the spiritual one. There is an old saying that even though you can’t change the wind, you can adjust the sails. There are some things that you just can’t do yourself, only God can do them, but there are things you can do. You can align yourself with God so that He can work through you. You can read God’s word and you can spend time with Him in prayer.

I saw on FaceBook (just one week before the seminar) a picture of an eagle with a snake in its talons. The caption read, “The eagle does not fight the snake on the ground. It picks it up into the sky and changes the battleground, and then it releases the snake into the sky. The snake has no stamina, no power and no balance in the air. It is useless, weak and vulnerable unlike on the ground where it is powerful, wise and deadly. Take your fight into the spiritual realm by praying and when you are in the spiritual realm God takes over your battles. Don’t fight the enemy in his comfort zone, change the battleground like the eagle and let God take charge through your earnest prayer.” I thought that was a great analogy and again, not a coincidence, that I should see it just as I was collecting thoughts on that very topic.

When it comes to how to pray, there is no set format that you have to follow. Your prayers might be a simple one sentence or even one word based on the circumstances. Jesus gave us an example of how to pray in Matthew 6 with the main takeaway being your attitude/heart, not the exact words used. Prayer is simply talking to your heavenly Father. Talking, and listening.

A long time ago I learned a simple acrostic that you can use when you pray. It is “ACTS” which stands for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication.

Start with the “A,” adoration. Give God the praise and honor that He rightfully deserves. He is the creator of the universe, Lord of all. He is certainly worthy of our praise. By the way, this is similar to how the Lord’s prayer starts (“Hallowed” by thy name).

Next is “C,” confess your sins. God already knows what they are, you’re not going to surprise or shock Him. Honestly take a look at how you may have wronged your spouse, how you’ve spoken in an inappropriate tone, maybe said or done things that you shouldn’t have. Maybe you’ve been looking to your spouse to meet your needs instead of God. Consider if you have any bitterness or resentment in your heart that you need to confess. Is there something that you haven’t forgiven your spouse for that you need to turn over to God? Spend time evaluating what is in your life that you need to lay down at God’s feet.

Then “T,” give God thanks for what He has provided you. Think about all you have to be grateful for. Thank God for your spouse every day. Spend time considering your spouse’s good qualities and thanking God for those. Remember the good times you have shared with your spouse and thank God for them. If you really take time to think about it, we all have so much to be thankful for, even the very air that we breathe is a gift from God.

After giving God praise, confessing your sins and thanking Him, then comes the “S,” supplication. Bring your requests to God. What is broken in your marriage that you earnestly need Him to fix? If you have a good marriage what would make it great? Boldly bring your requests to the throne. Pray that God protect and guide both you and your spouse. Pray that you will be a better partner for your spouse. If you have children, pray for them. Pray that you will be better parents. Pray for wisdom. That is huge! Pray for wisdom in your relationships, in your finances, in everything! Pray for God’s presence in your marriage.

Pray that God meets your spouse’s specific needs. David teaches Sunday School and I pray that he presents the message that God has intended for the class that day. I pray that every word that comes from his mouth when he teaches is God’s truth and that each member of the class will be drawn closer to God as a result of David’s obedience in presenting that truth. David is also a high school teacher and I pray for his protection there. It’s sad that is even such a big issue to think about these days. I pray that he has patience with his students and is able to build relationships with them. I pray that he not only is able to teach them the school subject but that he also has opportunities to share his faith with them. Think about what specific needs your spouse has as they go throughout their day and ask that God meet them.

There is so much to pray for, way too much to list here. These are just a few examples to help get you started. It’s easy to see how we can pray without ceasing!

I can’t stress enough how important prayer is; praying daily for and with your spouse. It is so important not to fight your battles with flesh and blood, even though in the heat of the moment it may feel like that is where the battle is, but to take them to the spiritual realm. Take your worries, your fears, your requests to God and receive that peace which surpasses all understanding which can only come from Him.

Below are links to the material David presented at this event:
Part 2: Wrongly Handling God’s Word
Part 3: Correctly Handling God’s Word

For a closer look at each element in the acrostic “ACTS” see:
“A” – Adoration
“C” – Confession
“T” – Thanksgiving
“S” – Supplication